Why I Cheer More Than I Lead

Never underestimate the power of a soft word.

Marriage is full of little hurdles to jump. Sometimes you even have to scale a mountain or two in an effort to make progress. I wish relationships were easier. I wish my husband and I saw things the same way and never disagreed. I also wish ice cream was a vital tool for weight loss. Some things are just not going to happen.

I often look at the hurdles and mountains and feel discouraged rather then inspired. I begin the game of worst case scenario rather than shooting for the stars. Life can be downright mundane, and we can start to get bitter about it all. God can handle your frustrations much better than your spouse, so tell Him what you are feeling, because He cares about you and is daily working all things for your good.

It’s so hard being kind.

It really is. But being mean doesn’t get us anywhere! By switching my words to a more thoughtful tone, I have found my husband is able to hear me better. It takes one kind phrase to flip a negative situation into a redeeming conversation. As my grandma always said, “You catch more bees with honey.”

Life is really busy for us right now. You might feel frantic like I do, with not enough hours int he day. We are raising kids, going to school, traveling for work, and keeping up with extended family dynamics.

Sometimes I worry our marriage is under too much pressure, and I start to do damage control. It’s amazing how easy it is for woman to go into fix-it mode. But while my goal is protecting our marriage, sometimes I sound like I am nagging. Sometimes, I actually am nagging. I know, it’s hard to imagine that. And sometimes I am surprised that what comes out of my mouth doesn’t match what I am feeling.

Instead of saying, “You make me feel lonely.”

I should say, “I miss you, and the time we spend together makes me feel happy.” 

Instead of saying, “Why aren’t we affectionate like the kissing-couple on Facebook?”

I should say, “We have our own unique way of showing love to each other, and that is what makes us Scott and Michelle.

Instead of saying, “Why are things so chaotic nonstop?”

I should say, “How can I help ease our busy schedule so we can go have some fun together?”

Instead of saying, “You don’t help me enough with the kids education”

I should say, “Can you read our kids this book?”

Instead of saying, “You don’t hug me enough.”

I should go hug him!

It’s amazing how much nicer it feels.

I save myself a lot of heartache by using kinder words to express myself. Dumping our frustrations on each other might feel great in the moment, but it might take a lot longer to find common ground. I don’t want to hurt my husband’s feelings in the process of sharing mine. Speaking in a kinder tone causes my words to sink in rather then fall flat.

When someone is angry and about to blow their top, all it takes is one mean word to send them over the edge. And oftentimes, we know the exact buttons to push. The better we know each other, the better we know the buttons. But it’s not worth it. Not one bit. It’s better to choose the soft answer.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” —Proverbs 15:1