So What if Marriage Is a “Cop-out”?

I’ve had six friends get engaged this month. And along with holiday engagements come lots of blog articles about why we should or shouldn’t get married at certain ages, if at all.

When Kyle and I got engaged, I knew we’d receive more guff than excitement. I expected negative remarks. And they did come. So when articles like this pop up, I usually keep scrolling. After all, life is different for everyone. Some couples get married at 19, and some at 40. It doesn’t make much of a difference to me. There’s no “perfect” age, and God has different plans for everyone.

However, I couldn’t help but get caught up on a quote from this blog post:

“I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.

It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.”

{Read the entire article here.}

You know what? The world (and life itself) IS scary, and I CAN’T do it on my own. I need support. It’s only by the grace of God that I get through each day in this scary and difficult world.

But marriage isn’t just about getting a security blanket, it’s about being one, too. It takes blood, sweat, and tears to support your spouse, and God uses that to shape you.

It also takes blood, sweat, and tears to knock as much selfishness out of me as possible. Rather than finding myself, rather than living purely to fulfill all of my wildest desires, I’m working alongside my husband to work towards our goals as a family. I try my best to support him. I try to cheer him on.

Admitting that we can’t do it on our own

Marriage is about experiencing those highs and lows together and supporting each other when we need it most. It’s about leaning on each other, but ultimately relying on God for the strength to do so.

I don’t want to live for myself. Trying to obtain everything we desire in this world only leads to wanting more. Instead, marriage inspires me to live for someone else—to put effort into serving others. To quiet my selfish heart and act out of love and grace instead of self interest. And yes, I fail (oh, believe me, I fail). But the goal is to aim for humbleness, not self-fulfillment.

Your husband’s (and your) vows mean more than just being “legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.” It’s a promise to always be there for each other. And that’s a beautiful, scary, and incredibly unselfish promise.

Living to support each other

This year I faced a terrifying diagnosis—a brain tumor. And boy, did I ever learn that I don’t ever want to face this scary thing called life all alone. First and foremost, I needed Jesus. He was the only one who could really give me peace when I knew I had such a trying month ahead of me. And throughout that time, he used Kyle to support me, keep me calm, and just be there. My love for Kyle grew tremendously during that month, and I was so thankful to have him by my side.

Yes, part of marriage is admitting that I can’t face the world on my own. So if that’s a cop-out, I’m perfectly okay with that. Marriage might mean giving up any chance of living for myself, of “finding myself independently,” of chasing solely after my own happiness—but that’s not a bad thing. In fact, It’s what God calls me to do.

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” —Philippians 2:4–10

He calls us to live to serve. To humble ourselves. To run to Him for forgiveness when we fail. To rely on His strength to support ourselves and our spouses. Because we simply cannot face this world (or marriage) without Christ.

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