I was sitting in church today, thinking about the amazing things God has done for me.
And as I celebrated His Resurrection I thanked God for never, ever changing. He is my anchor, the steadiest thing I have in my life. When everything else is total chaos, He is my firm foundation. He has brought me so very far. I don’t really know why I freak out over things, because He has always been right there with me. What must He think, as I run in circles screaming? But I know He loves me. He created me, and is patient with me. The best way to feel calm about our future, is to look back as see the Lord’s faithfulness sprinkled all through our past.
As we began the Easter service, our son played his bagpipes up the aisle to the front of the church. I glanced at my other children, my son in law, and my husband. I felt so grateful, but mostly overwhelmed that it was all for real. First of all, it is amazing I even crossed paths with Scott. We grew up in different states, and even different countries. There is no reason we should have ever layed eyes on each other. When Scott and I have very difficult moments, or things feel a bit out of control, I recall all that had to take place for me to even meet him, and then I realize that God is Sovereign. He is in charge of every detail. Looking back, I see His hand all over our courtship and marriage.
My husband and I have been married for almost twenty-two years.
We met when I was eighteen and he was twenty. I was visiting friends in Arizona, and he was stationed at Luke Air Force Base. I graduated from high school and promptly hopped in my car, and drove to the South West. I had never left Washington, so I was pretty shocked at the difference. The warm evenings, and the desert landscape amazed me every single day. I was going to a church with 15,000 members. Everything felt larger than life. I loved my time there, but had planned to return home in the fall to start school.
That didn’t happen. I stumbled onto my future husband, and stayed right where I was at. Scott and I were in a college and career group of about 400 people. I was out-going and so was he, but God made sure we connected with each other and nobody else. The evening we first met, our group went on a hayride in the desert and had dinner and a bonfire. When we saw each other it was literally a movie moment. I saw him across the firelight and was instantly drawn to him. He was so cute in his Guess overalls and I loved his blonde hair. I watched him the whole time and made sure I was right next to him on the ride back home. We were standing up against the wooden rails as the wagon bounced across the hard dirt. At one point it was thrown to the side and I landed in his arms. The rest was history.
We spent every moment we could together. We went on day trips to Mexico to bring clothes and supplies to people in need. I watched him play football with the village children, and fell more in love. We were constantly at church together doing activities. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. Four months into our relationship he got orders to Korea for a year. I was so sad to see him go, but there was nothing we could do. I went home to Washington after he left. He proposed through the mail, and we got married while he was home for mid tour. I hadn’t seen him for nine months. This was before email, and phone calls were very expensive. He sent me a letter each day the whole time he was there, but really we barely knew each other by most people’s standards.
Not only that, but we both come from broken homes.
We had both been affected by divorce. We didn’t have the traditional family upbringing. Our parents had many divorces between them. I know they did all they could with the tools they had, but we didn’t have a clear picture of what marriage and family was supposed to be. From the outside looking in, we didn’t have much of a chance. But God had big plans.
After we were married, Scott had to go back to Korea for a few months. Once he was finally done, we moved to Arizona to start our lives and begin our family. Our marriage didn’t feel so much like our dating days. I was homesick, he was in school, and we really struggled to connect. After we had Tayler, he got sent back to Korea for another year. I was devastated. I started to really hate Uncle Sam. We tried our best to make it work, but it was a very long year. I became pregnant when Scott returned home on midtour, and we had Beau right after he returned home from Korea. We had a serious crash course in marriage. And we were pretty clueless to start out. But God was in control.
Why am I telling you all of this? I don’t really know. Maybe I am telling myself all of this more than anything else. It’s good to remember all God has done for us. It’s easy to fear what’s ahead. I would really love to be that woman in Proverbs who laughs at her future. It would be awesome. Instead, I tend to tremble over the unknown. I hate surprises. The thing I am learning though, is God never changes. And if He has been with us so far, He will see us through. He isn’t going to rip the rug out from under us, even if it is April Fool’s Day.
So just remember, when things don’t make sense, the marriage feels like too much work, and doubt creeps in, look back and see the story God is writing, and know that the Author has a good ending in store for you.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17