From a Man Who Lost His Wife: Wake Up and Love Better

From a Man Who Lost His WifeToday’s guest post is written by my dad and Tayler’s Papa. He is a man with a big heart who has a lot of life experience. I think his voice is valuable to others because he has a great perspective on the importance of little things. I often hear him speak about how easy it is to love others well, and how simple it is to make a spouse feel cherished. He wishes men would wake up and pay attention to their marriages. I asked him to share his thoughts with you. His message is clear: change while you have time. 

I’m writing this letter after thirty two years of experience being married to a wonderful woman. She was logical, caring, and taught me a lot. I loved how devoted she was to me and our marriage.

In the beginning of our marriage I was a knuckle head, to say it plainly. I didn’t know how to treat a woman, and I wasted a lot of years taking her for granted. I didn’t realize how hard she worked to raise our kids and keep a house going. I didn’t understand what a gift that was for many years.

Thankfully, God gave me an eye opener and I was able to change how I treated her. It was humbling to look back and see how I acted, but I had time to change. And I did change. I began to look around at other men, and wonder what the heck they were doing. They just didn’t get it. It’s a man thing I guess. But the first thing you have to do is pull your head out of the sand and see your wife for who she is and what she does for you–while you still have time.

Unfortunately, I ran out of time way too quickly. I finally figured out how to appreciate my wife, Janice, and then I sadly lost her to cancer. Well, let me change that. I didn’t lose her, she went home. But before she left, she showed me what love looked like.

Here are the biggest lessons I learned:

1. Regret is an awful thing.

You don’t want to look back and wish you had done things differently. I started to realize just how hard my wife worked. For one, her work was never done. While I worked shifts, she had to keep going. 24/7. I am sure you see your wives doing that too. Up all night with kids, working, cooking, giving and giving.

You are not owed this kind of special treatment. Appreciate her for what she does for you. You don’t want to look back and want to kick yourself for time wasted. And Time goes fast. Look at your wife and ask yourself if you treat her right, so you don’t suffer regret later. You will be glad you changed because very little compares to having a close marriage. When it’s all said and done, you will want to say, “I loved you and didn’t take you for granted.”

2. It doesn’t take much to make a woman happy. It’s the little things.

I found that if I gave her a foot, she’d give me a mile. It’s pride that keeps a man from giving of himself to his wife. It only hurts you both when you refuse to give. It’s the little things that matter. It’s so easy! It’s a no brainer. I want to yell at some men and say, “Wake up! Treat your wife with respect.” If they would do this, they would be amazed at how their wives would respond.

But I have seen it usually doesn’t matter. Men don’t listen because they are too focused on themselves. They think they are perfect and they think they have all the answers. They are idiots. Just like I was.

I look around at different marriages and I wonder why they are allowed to keep going, even as they treat each other badly, and I had to lose mine. My wife is gone. But she is in my heart. And at least I know I learned to treat her with respect before it was too late.

I learned it’s the small tokens of love that made her happy. Being thoughtful by picking up her favorite flowers to plant in the yard, helping with chores, and bringing her coffee to her in her favorite mug. I told her she meant everything to me. I figured it out before it was too late.

You don’t have it all figured out, men.

Take inventory. Are you stubborn and a know it all? Do you listen to her? You aren’t perfect and you sure as heck don’t have all the answers. It’s not that she’s being needy, its that she is needing you but you are in your own world.

Take it from me, a man who did things the wrong way, and who finally figured out what a gift my wife was. I figured out how to treat my wife, but now I don’t get the privilege of having her with me.

Maybe my words can help wake you up. Don’t take what you have for granted.

Mic King, a grateful man

Michelle Lindsey

Nice to “meet” you! I'm Michelle, a wife of twenty-three years, a mother to five, a homeschool mom, and a classical education tutor. I want to use this space to share with you the good, the bad, and the ugly that is my life. Maybe it will encourage you. Maybe it will inspire you. Maybe it will simply amuse you. Whichever it is, I am thankful you are taking time to be here.

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  1. Gale says

    It’s nice to hear a man stand up for women, I’ve been hurt over and over, from my husband having an affair, his drinking, DWI arrest, his not spending time with our son, and verbal abuse to me, have taken a toll on my life and my sons!
    Everything outside our home is more important to him. His priorities are backwards! It’s sad, the person he’s become is someone I don’t know anymore, and honestly, someone I don’t like very much. God gets me through this day after day. I now have social anxiety, I’m doing the best I can! The things he does effects me and my son, who wonders why his dad doesn’t make him a priority.
    So if any men out there get to read this, please realize that the choices you make will largely effect your family! Please, think before you make a decision that will change everyone’s life! Thank you!

  2. Jack says

    Well done, Mic. Many men find out too late, how to love. I happy that you saw the value in Janice before she went home. Blessings on you, my friend.

  3. oscar says

    Hey,is a good man but there’s woman out there that take a men for granted my wife of 16 years left me and I gave her all she wanted took care of our kids I alway have a work from work to my house wife and kids is the most important things in my life I still love her to this today but she doesn’t that’s all I think of my kids and her and she takes me for granted that’s what hurts the most I still feel your love for us but she to prideful, and to much ego to say im sorry i maid i mistake and Fight For Love…..

  4. Michelle says

    Husband’s God instructed you to love your wife’s. It very simple. Show her the affection she so deserve pray with her, and for her, see what God can do if you the husband are obedient to God.
    It is so important to realize that the enemy Satan want to destroy our homes . Don’t loose heart.

  5. Diane says

    After 35+ years of marriage, I am invisible to my husband. He is not working and spends 12-14+ hours a day in front of his computer, mostly playing games. If I want to talk to him, I have to enter the room he’s in and “interrupt him” (his words, not mine). If he talks to me, he doesn’t move out of his seat and expects me to hear him from anywhere in the house I may be at the time. It’s so, so sad. We are in counseling, but not making progress since being honest brings defensiveness and anger towards me. I rely on God all day, clinging to His love and His grace to carry me through this dark time. I dread the regret that will come when one of us is gone….

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