“You have a brain tumor.” Not something I ever wanted to hear out of the mouth of a doctor at midnight in a quiet ER after a terrifying 40 minutes of brain scans.
I’ve spent the greater majority of my life terrified of tumors, of surgery, of sickness. A brain tumor was my biggest fear.
Let me tell you this: when something like this happens, you just get through it. You keep putting one foot in front of the other because that’s all you can do. You lean on God because otherwise you’ll collapse into a puddle of pity. You thank God for a plan, for amazing doctors, for supportive family and friends, and you trust Him with the rest.
I promise you, if you ever get to the point where you’re diagnosed with your worst fear and the whole room starts screaming and spinning, you’ll get through it the best you can. You might feel like you can’t breathe, or move, or talk, or function, but I promise, you can. The ones who love you will come around you like you never thought possible. God will give you a peace that surpasses any understanding.
I’m on the verge of being thrown into the worst bout of anxiety I ever thought imaginable, and yet all I can think to do is pour my heart out in words—in hopes that God can use this experience to bless even just one other person. All I can think is that maybe I’m facing my biggest fear so that I can learn that in Christ there is nothing to fear.
Please, don’t spend your days worrying. Even if the worst possible thing happens, the thing you never thought would happen to you, all you can do is fight and put your trust in God. It forces you to trust Him like never before, and in the end my only hope is to bring glory to Him.
On Monday morning, at 6 a.m., I’ll be going in for brain surgery. Brain. Surgery.
I may be terrified, weak, anxiety-ridden, and feeble; yet still, everything I have—my amazing family, my hope in Christ, a staff of incredible doctors—I owe it all to Him. Thank you, Jesus.
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