Posts by Tayler Beede

I Idolized Motherhood—Until I Experienced It

If you’re wondering why I haven’t blogged in, well, too long, it’s this: Pregnancy and motherhood have kicked my butt. Scares and ultrasounds through the first trimester. Monitoring our son in Seattle every few weeks during my second trimester, all to be told he looked perfect at 29 weeks. Then being in the hospital twice for…

To the Wife Whose Husband Plays Pokémon Go…

To the wife whose husband plays Pokémon Go… First off, I’m sorry. None of us could have seen this coming. We could have done something to prevent it had we only known. Locked them up. Hid their phones. Gotten rid of our cell phone data plans. Moved to a hut somewhere without  the internet. But alas,…

To the Spouse Who Doesn’t Understand Anxiety…

My husband recently told me he wishes that he knew what my anxiety felt like. He knows the stress of the night before a test, the fearful anticipation of a job interview, and the normal stressors of life—but he doesn’t know the anxiety that I know. I’m guessing there are more of you spouses out…

A Difficult, Blessed Year {Our Exciting News}

2015 was hard. January brought an infertility diagnosis. February brought surgery for my grandpa to remove his lung cancer. March brought a surgery gone wrong for my aunt, which left us pleading for her life. April brought a positive pregnancy test. May brought lots of puking and anxiety, and on my birthday, the devastating loss…

When You’re Hoping for Better Days Ahead

There I sat, terrified and confused, in a row of church chairs. Awaiting my surgery the next morning, knowing that I had a hemorrhaged tumor in my head. I didn’t know if everything was going to be OK, and I didn’t understand it.  People gathered around me, prayed for me, tried to keep me distracted,…

Do We Mourn with Those Who Mourn?

As I’ve walked through the past few months, I’ve experienced the ugly side of miscarriage. Not the ugly side as far as grief, anxiety, or the pure devastation that comes, but the ugliness in my heart. Wanting to stay home and feel bitter. Anger as I see constant pregnancy reminders everywhere I go. Days where…

What Our Wedding Vows Really Meant

Today marks three years with the incredible man I get to call my husband. It hasn’t been a particular easy three years, but I’m so thankful to have spent them with him. So today I dedicate this blog post to Kyle . . . Dear Kyle, I look back at pictures, at our starry-eyed 16-year-old…

The Silent Suffering of Miscarriage

I’ll never forget that dark, cold ultrasound room. The teary-eyed, compassionate radiologist. The look of pity in her eyes as she told us that our 10-week-old baby was no longer alive. My midwife told me she was so sorry, and hung up the phone. And so began the hardest week of my life. A week…