When Regret Rules Your Life
Regret is a ruthless master.
It’s easy to feel regret over all of the things you have failed at. I have a long list that taunts me and drags me down. Oh, how I have wished for that rewind button! I would go back, knowing all of the things I know now, and fix the long list of mistakes and missed opportunities. I would erase it all. But would I be different? Would I understand grace? Would I know better if I hadn’t walked through those trials?
Regret whispers words of despair and defeat in our ears at our weakest of moments. It forces me to look back and wonder how I could have been so stupid and blind. What follows right on the heels of regret? Shame. Depression. Anxiety.
When you’re tempted to let regret engulf you, readjust your direction
You might not be in the exact spot you want to be, but God is working in your life and he can handle it. And as much as I hate it, regret and self-pity will taint the way I view others and cause me to become bitter and angry at life. Regret looks back, with a sorrowful face, restoration looks forward with hopeful eyes.
You start to become hard on yourself and those around you when you feel frustrated and discontent. Before long, it poisons even the best of days. Regret is like driving a car down the freeway while looking in the rear view mirror throughout the whole journey. It’s no easy task, and I have attempted it way too many times.
- I wish we spent more time alone in the beginning of our marriage.
- I regret wasting so much time.
- Why did I let fear make me miss so many wonderful things in life?
- I wish we never argued in front of our children.
- Why didn’t we take the kids camping more when they were young?
- I should have finished a degree.
- I feel horrible about not spending more one on one time with each of our kids.
- We should have been more affectionate as a married couple. Our kids might turn out cold and distant.
- I didn’t read enough classics to my kids.
- I barely did devotions with them.
- I should have realized our marriage came before the children.
- I regret hurting my husband.
- Why wasn’t I more forgiving and loving?
I could seriously go on and on, but you have a life to live and can’t sit here reading all day. I beat myself up for so many things. Some huge, and some annoyingly small. I guess this is why scripture is clear about not “condemning yourself.” In Christ, we have freedom from condemnation. Yet, we still refuse and fight against that freedom. It feels like self-imposed slavery to me.
Acknowledge sin and repent, then cut the anchor
There are times when we feel that nudge from the Holy Spirit, and we realize we are in the wrong and need God’s forgiveness and strength. It’s good to run right to him during these times. He’s our Father and he loves us. Regret is living in the past, and refusing to walk in the gift of grace. If we go to God and repent, we are free from the burden of sin. It’s when we drag our sin behind us, wailing about it nonstop, that it’s a problem.
We don’t even posses the right tools to live that way. We can’t handle that kind misery. We weren’t intended to carry that mountain of guilt.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. —1 John 1:9
Regret has no place in your life or in your marriage because God puts all things right. He works good despite our mess-ups, and turns around the messes we make. You can take a breather because He doesn’t expect you to beat yourself up all the day long over all of the things you have failed at. We are in the process of growing, and bit by bit, we see victories that spur us on. Toss your regrets to the foot of the cross, where they can be properly dealt with. And don’t look back.
Don’t waste any more time flogging yourself
You can’t stand around wringing your hands because you didn’t pray enough with your husband each day. What you have is right now, and forever with the One who is bringing you forward and sanctifying you for His glory. God is not freaking out over your stupid choices. He is holding you up, dusting you off, loving you, and changing you.
He isn’t worried that you can’t budget well, or that you ate gluten. He is steadfast and he is lovingly lifting your chin so your eyes can face him.
