Life Is Hard, What Else Is New?

life-is-hard-what-else-is-newI’m catching on to the fact that life is hard.

In fact, it is so difficult at times, I start to question God’s wisdom in all of this.

I mean, come on. Here we are, running around on this earth, trying our best not to get devastated by some awful thing. You may say you don’t fear, and I say if that is you, you may be in denial.

People are afraid.

And they want to know what they are supposed to do with all of the stress and turmoil. They want to know how they can possibly find any hope as they look around at the loneliness and despair. They try to find solace in their marriage, or children or hobbies, but mostly, they distract themselves from the thought that at any moment the rug could get ripped out from under them. At any moment their world can turn upside down and their lives can shatter into a million pieces at the blink of an eye.

I struggle.

I have friends who are struggling. Huge, devastating things are looming. And there seems to be no end in sight.

It makes me angry. Don’t tell me to think positive or give me answers that are only meant to smooth over my fears. False hope. Because none of it makes sense.

WHY? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD? And then I cry bitter tears because I hear no answer. And nothing changes for the better. And all I hear is silence—and I save the sobs caught in my throat.

The other day, my adult son told me he felt afraid. 

The air was instantly sucked out of me. I felt so sad. I wanted to minimize his feelings because the thought of my child, the child I brought into this world, facing their future with trepidation, made me want to weep. This is the child, who for the most part has had more happy days than sad, and who’s smile lights up a room. And now he is fearful and without find peace?

I asked myself, “What did I do, bringing my son into this dark place?” 

Then I thought of God. My God. The One who is a Father, and and who loves purer and deeper and truer than me. In fact, He is the definition of love. And I wondered how He was able to bring His Son to this wretched place?

And then I told myself the things I know.

I don’t worship some far away God who is far removed from my pain. I don’t worship a concept, an ideology, or a human leader.

I try not to worship anything more than Him, and that includes my children, my marriage or myself. I worship a God who is near. He didn’t just drop me on this planet to suffer and struggle and walk away. He didn’t put me here to be “good” or “amazing” or “well behaved.” He planned me, and He had my rescue in mind before I was even born. Before I ever messed up and made a disaster of my life. He made a way.

I am His daughter, and He cares about my pain.

He listens when I cry in the shower while I tell Him I don’t understand tragedy, cancer, and divorce.  I don’t know why things have to feel so random and cruel. I hate death. It is a breaking of love. I don’t want my family taken from me. It isn’t the “circle of life.” It sucks and I hate it. It feels terrible.

But He knows cruel.

He knows tragedy.

He hears me and intercedes for me.

And He hates death so much, He killed it.

He defeated that nasty beast so we don’t have to be afraid of it.

God the Father, saw this dark world and send His Son straight into it. He knew what His child would go through, and He sent His precious child anyway. That child was born in a lowly, unsafe place, to parents who had little to offer by the world’s standards. He grew into a man, and he watched his friends, and his family suffer. He wrapped his arms around humanity in their worst moments. The sick, the lonely, the rejected. He looked into their eyes and He spoke kindness and truth.

I tend to forget He had a mother.

And what excruciating pain took place the day He left her? She must have looked so frightened as she clung to her boy…but He endured it for us, and if anyone can understand our pain, He can. So when I grieve when I see my children hurt, I know He also walked that road. There is really nothing I experience that He can’t understand.

If He hadn’t suffered so greatly, I would be too angry to even cope.

I might just freak out and give up. But I have never walked the painful road He walked, and I never will. So we can keep going towards the joy set before us. Yes, there is still silence, and unanswered prayers. And many things make no sense to me. But I can’t help but rest knowing He is right here with us.

He didn’t stay far away. He gave us Himself so we could touch him, feast with Him, be held by Him, and we will one day rejoice with Him on the other side of this dark world.

Michelle Lindsey

Nice to “meet” you! I'm Michelle, a wife of twenty-three years, a mother to five, a homeschool mom, and a classical education tutor. I want to use this space to share with you the good, the bad, and the ugly that is my life. Maybe it will encourage you. Maybe it will inspire you. Maybe it will simply amuse you. Whichever it is, I am thankful you are taking time to be here.

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Comments

  1. Christine Medel says

    Hi Michelle.
    Thank you so much for this! You are so open and real. I have been feeling hopeless, so your words came at just the right time for me and reminded me to put my complete trust and hope in our Father.

    God bless you.

  2. michelle says

    I know what you mean! I was telling my husband the other day I don’t think I would be as fearful if I didn’t have children. They are all grown and out of the house and I have 2 grandchildren. Yikes! I find rest in His knowing all things and what Jesus went through too. But it is HARD!

  3. Kristy says

    Thank you for this. I needed it! Going through a dark time in my life with my marriage and I cry a lot and question a lot but I need to focus on the love God has for me.

    • Theresa says

      Me too, Kristy. Same struggle. I will pray for you, sister. Eyes on Jesus- the one who loves and cherishes us perfectly. We can trust Him completely.

  4. Marcia says

    Wow! I was moved after reading this. Mostly everything I’ve been thinking/feeling. He never said after becoming saved it would be easier. In fact it’s NOT, especially the closer we get to living eternally with him. What always calms my fears is knowing that He knows, because he’s out Great Comforter and He hears me. Me!

    Thank you God, Father!!

    Thank you for these words that are are shared.

    Marcia

  5. Alisa Graham says

    Is so refreshing hearing a believer being real about tragedy and pain. It’s even better to be reminded that we are not alone. God is near and is concerned with everything about us. (He seems so far at times from me). And thank you for sharing your life experiences. For truly live and pain happens to us all

  6. Margarite says

    That was beautiful! I feel the same way about everything you said. The fear the questions, but most importantly the faith. I try to remind myself one day it will ALL make sense!

  7. Dee says

    Thank you for your honesty!!!!! This spoke to my heart and encouraged me. That’s how much God loves us, He knows!

  8. Cathy says

    This was another great post. I hate fluff and the BS of the stuff that goes with it. I don’t live in a fluffy world. My world is one were our youngest has multiple disabilities (he would be considered profoundly disabled) and did not get better but I got to see that even with all that we have in a Middle Class world there are things that can’t be fixed in this life not for me and not for my son. However, I look to his/my baptisms and all that God gives through that. I try to look to all of God’s promises. God sees my son (as perfect) in Christ. I imagine that for him as I do for me when I look in the mirror and see my imperfections. I am not having (my best life now) as some would say. Adam and Eve would have by all standards had their best life before the fall and it was not enough. They did not trust in God above all things, but wanted the 1 thing God had warned them about, and even feared God was holding out on them. Were do I do that same thing?

    So, I do struggle with feeling safe, contented and so on. But I tell God (I believe help me in my unbeif). I need a savior not a life coach and other such things that don’t get to the heart of the problem. My sin and others, death and the falleness of this world, thats the heart of the problem. Only my Savoir Jesus, can save all that. So I appreicate any advice that points me back to were there is true peace that passes all understanding. Lifes hard, I need advice that points to the only place that can really help.

    Thanks.

  9. Vickey Hermes says

    I went through divorce after 20 years of marriage. As a child I “went through divorce”. I refused to allow our children to suffer an ugly divorce. It’s hard enough on the children to be drug through the experience without subjecting them to the mire we parents can create.
    We were divorced 13 years. Then…..we remarried….13 years ago. We are not madly in love, we are content. I have learned with God’s life lessons, content is better than passionate love. It is real life. Passion flares. Then a moment later it’s gone. Contentment stands the test of time.

  10. Kelly says

    I don’t have the words to tell you how much your words have comforted me. I feel horribly alone right now but reading your post was like being hugged. I needed that hug. Thank you.

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