Being Brave for Your Spouse

I read a lot of marriage books. I read a lot of marriage blogs. But I seriously have missed the boat on something.

How to be friends with my husband.

Parenting came very easily to me. I never felt put out when my kids were puking on me at 3:00 a.m. I didn’t feel trapped being home all day with toddlers. The teen years are a bit tougher, but I still enjoy this stage immensely. I have two adult kids, and that is a blast too. I love it all. Cooking for them, bathing them, tucking them in, teaching them, and watching them grow. Being a mom feels like the most natural thing on earth to me.

Why is being a wife tougher than being a mom?

My husband isn’t as endearing when he is upset or not feeling well. In fact, it’s easy to try to mother him with the rest of the people I care for. But that isn’t the best idea. He kind of hates that.

I have realized that I have put the kids before him many times, and that has come back to bite me because now we struggle to find time to just have fun. If our marriage doesn’t have a firm foundation, then the rest of the family may suffer. We have been so busy raising the kids, we have forgotten that we started out simply in love and wanting to spend time together. We didn’t start out stressing over everything and arguing about who should or shouldn’t be grounded.

This has been hard for me to admit. It’s even harder to remedy.

This might be hard to believe, but in twenty-two years, I have never gone away with my husband without kids. Sure, we have gone overnight a couple of hours down the road, but I have never flown anywhere far, far away. And that brings me to my next point.

I hate to fly.

I don’t mean I am uncomfortable, or I feel a little claustrophobic while flying. I don’t mean I get restless and bored. What I mean is, I vomit days before. I sweat so badly while flying that by the time I land my jeans are literally drenched. It means that I feel sheer terror the whole time. I can’t relax. I can’t eat. I can’t enjoy books, movies, or even a massage, if someone were to offer one. I don’t think it is unsafe. I understand statistics about flying versus driving. I just don’t like being that high up in the sky. What I don’t understand is how nobody else is FREAKING out that they are FLYING. It’s so unsettling to me how calm people are, flipping through their magazines. Up in the sky.

But, in an effort to work on my friendship with my man, I have agreed to fly with him to Hawaii.

I have secretly hoped some crazy weather pattern would show up and cancel the whole trip, but it looks like I am going. I keep looking at my sweet children’s faces, wishing I could stay, but I AM GOING. I am going so we can see what it is like to just have fun. And I am doing this for him. I am putting him first. I am willing to sweat and vomit for the man I love. We need a little getaway. It has been a quarter of a century, so I guess we are due.

I only share this with you to inspire you. Maybe you can think of ways you can put your marriage at the forefront. Maybe it’s easy for you, and you already have this established. If so, great! If not, let go of some of the reservations you might feel, and try to make your spouse feel important. I know I sound a little bit insane to be dreading going to Hawaii in the middle of winter. But think of one of your worst fears, and then imagine enduring it for seven hours straight in order to get to Hawaii. If you hate spiders, imagine sitting in a room with 100 of them crawling on your face all the way there.

This is an act of love, folks!

So join me and be brave for your spouse! However that looks for you! Feel free to give your ideas in the comment section. I would love to know how you have decided to put your marriage first. How have you been blessed by focusing on having a friendship with your husband?

Remember, it’s how it started out.