Are We Still In Love?

When we imagine of romance and love, we usually conjure up images of walks along the beach, candle lit dinners, or cuddling by the fireplace. I’ve experienced zero of these scenarios in recent history. We don’t have time for any of that right now. Our lives are more busy than ever, and there is no slowing down anytime soon.

Never put your marriage on the back burner

The thing is, there isn’t even an extra burner to use right now. We are maxed out and we can’t really cut much. Scott is in full-time seminary, full-time work, and has a heavy travel schedule. I am homeschooling lots of kids and have a few things that need my attention that cannot be pushed aside. It’s just the way it is right now. It’s the season we are in.

I just plain miss my husband. Over the past few days I have felt a bit sad that I feel disconnected from him. I call him at work and he is late for a meeting. When he gets home he is trying to write papers or take a test. Weekends are full of business trips and soccer games and church. I have found myself dazed, wondering how in the world to catch up with my husband.

Today I felt downright bummed out about it and started to have myself a pity party. After dinner Scott came to find me and asked what was wrong. I couldn’t fully put it into words. I couldn’t decide if I was frustrated, sad, mad. Maybe I was just being a baby and needed to stop whining.

Loving where you are

God has brought us though some pretty tough times over the past few years and I am grateful for His faithfulness to us. Even with the extra business in our house, I still feel like we are doing exactly what we should be doing. Amidst all of the chaos, God is holding us up. I know we are being taken care of. But I kind of worry that we aren’t guarding our marriage closely enough.  I am pretty good at worrying, unfortunately.

I tried to tell him my thoughts. I didn’t want to sound like I was accusing him of failing me. That isn’t the case. He seemed to understand what I was trying to say. He reminded me that we are just in a busy season and we just have to hunker down and get through it. He said we are in the exciting place of being able to love and serve others together. We are giving a lot, but we are reflecting God’s love and He is totally in control of all we are walking though. Scott calmly assured me that we are very much in love with each other. I was relieved to hear it.

He came and sat by me and whispered silly things in my ear. In those short moments, I felt like all was well with the world.

We aren’t skipping off to tropical beaches. We aren’t going on those weekly dates that all of the marriage books suggest. We sometimes can’t even finish a full conversation without a child interrupting. But we are side by side, tackling life. We are in the trenches, and sometimes it’s blood sweat and lots of tears. But we are together. I trust his judgment and know he is compassionate. I’m glad that I’m his partner on this journey. Chaos and all.