We’re excited to have Lis Chandelier guest blogging today:
My husband and I were young twenty-somethings playing house when I ended up pregnant and we eventually got married. The “eventually” came after God grabbed a hold of my husband’s heart and then began to capture mine.
With many obstacles in place throughout our marriage, it is often easy to believe that somehow God must have been wrong. “There is no way he and I should be together!,” I’ll often lament to God, who seems far too distant when I am feeling this way. But He never is. And through the difficulties of a marriage that, sure, did not have the best of starts, I’m truly learning the meaning of the verse that reminds us: What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate (Matthew 19:6b ESV).
Here are some ways I gain perspective in those fleeting moments of doubt:
1. Make a list of why you love your husband
During a trying time in my marriage, a friend suggested I make a list of reasons I fell in love with my husband. Within hours, I was able to list more than 100 things that made me love him. And I noticed that much of what was on the list held true even on that day. The list also helped me see all the ways my husband has grown and what he does even better than he did a decade ago.
2. Remember what God says about marriage
We will always be remiss in teaching about marriage if we do not point to the truth of God’s Word. My husband made a document of every verse that speaks of marriage in the Bible and I cannot stress enough how beneficial it is to keep those verses handy in a moment of despair. Reading the truth about marriage from the One who created it gives perspective to any unhealthy emotions I may be feeling toward my marriage in the moment.
3. Learn that your husband is not just your husband
This is a hard one for me, but one that the Lord has been convicting my heart about recently. Yes, my husband is my husband. But he is not just my husband—he is a brother in Christ. And when I sin against him, I am sinning against a fellow believer. When I hurt him, I hurt God and I devalue what the Kingdom should be.
In Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians he writes, For while there is jealousy and STRIFE among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? (1 Corinthians 3:3 ESV, emphasis mine). Wow. When I cause strife in my marriage I am behaving as the world does. But I am called to be set apart and my actions in the home need to reflect that.
In a perfect word, we would not need “techniques,” but we are not in a perfect world. I am far from perfect, but daily I go to the foot of the cross and plead with the Lord to change my heart. I want to be a wife who loves her husband the way Christ would have me to love him. And because God is able, He will honor those requests.
Praying that you will continuously fight for your marriage,
Hey there! So glad to “meet” you! My name is Lis and I’m a 33-years-old wife to an overly-patient man and mother to a “little” boy who is growing up way too fast for my liking! I have struggled significantly in these roles. Yet by God’s grace alone, in the midst of my own trials, He has made me passionate about helping other wives and mothers to remember that they are not alone on this journey. I explore my thoughts on marriage and motherhood, as well as faith and all things organization and homemaking, on my blog, A Life Well Done.